Who put the ball in the German's net?

In the parochial world of club football, one does not come across players who are liked and respected by friends and foes alike. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer or "The baby faced assassin" is an exception in more ways than one. He is not Man United's greatest player ever, nor was he the most influential on a football ground for United (plenty of contenders for both spots), he wasn't the most talented footballer to have graced the theatre of dreams nor was he the biggest hit with the tabloids. So, why is it that Ole will be remembered with a lot of fondness by every single United fan?

An easy answer to the question would be, "He scored the winner in a CL final", but to most United fans, Ole had made his place permanent in their hearts a year before that. He was berated by Fergie for "unsporting behaviour" but "he had to do it" as he himself told Becks later.Ole's commitment to the United cause was exemplary, never one to complain about having to come off the bench. Instead, he would use his time on the bench to study the game and would make his presence felt when he came on. He gave the term "super-sub" a whole new meaning with his displays coming off the bench.


He may have missed most of the last three seasons to injury, but supporters continued to sing Solskjaer songs even when he was absent with injury, so when he finally scored another winning goal at OT against Celtic he not only achieved a personal milestone but managed to arouse enough enthusiasm within me that I found myself screaming in a pub filled with Celtic supporters. After he scored his first premiership goal in 3 seasons against Charlton, Fergie echoed the sentiments of all United fans by saying "It was a great moment for Ole, United fans everywhere, the players and the staff. Ole has been through a torrid time with injuries for the last two years, but he's persevered and never lost faith and has got his repayment tonight. Everyone is over the moon for him."

One can only wish the legend well in his future role as ambassador for the club.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, a true legend!!!


The famous Ole song:

You are my Solksjaer, my Ole Solksjaer
You make me happy when skies are grey
Alan Shearer was f***ing dearer
Please don't take my Solksjaer away

The Mandatory World Cup Post

As I type; Lara has just been dismissed and the Windies are heading towards what looks like another defeat. I can be fairly confident about this as the great man has seemingly made a major selection blunder because I see Dwayne Smith coming in at number 8 and there are only two regular bowlers playing for the Windies.

It's been a turbulent week in sport. England's football team is stuttering at the Euro qualifiers, with us being constantly reminded that they beat an Andorran team which is sandwiched between India and the Solomon Isles in the FIFA rankings. Supporters singing "What a load of rubbish!" and "You're not fit to wear the shirt" after exactly two minutes yesterday. Clearly; rubbishing players is not a sub-continental phenomenon. Maybe it is part of our colonial legacy!

The parallels are striking; England has the richest football league in the world and they routinely "under-achieve" just like the Indian cricket team. An added advantage that the English footballers have is that they routinely rub shoulders with some of the best international talent. Not a luxury that the Indian cricket team has; largely because of the way cricket is structured as a sport (Dwayne Smith just got out!!!)

I normally dislike mouthing platitudes; but some of the ridiculous articles on the Indian cricket team force me to do so.

"Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future" – MarkTwain

"Hindsight is always 20/20" – Anonymous

So, while I look at some of the articles that have been appearing over the last few days here and here among other places; I can only laugh. Primarily because; we were talking up India’s chances here and here among other places. So, not for the first time has Mark Twain proved to be a genius (Interesting enough; that such a quote came from a man who predicted his own death accurately)

It is completely forgotten that though we are out of the world cup; as disastrous as that may sound, the truth is we have lost two One Day matches. One of them, where we were tactically out-thought and outclassed by a very good Sri Lankan team and the other which I believe was a combination of misreading the conditions and under-estimating the opposition. Yes, the net result is that we're out of the World Cup but to demand the resignation and dropping of the team, coach, captain, selectors and the cleaner is something expected considering our history of over-reaction but as always unnecessary.

Anyone who has seen a Football World Cup understands the inherent risk in the format that has been used in this World Cup. A format which brings in the concept of a “Group of Death” and ensures that there will be upsets (Argentina and France in 2002, Czech Republic in 2006 among others). Someone predicted it fairly early though; put feet to Gokhale on that one for sure.

Australia were odds on favourites to win the 92 World Cup; they lost to more than a few teams in the round-robin stages and were knocked out. I think the most critical comment I heard from an Aussie then came from Ian Chappell and he said that this was a problem with being favourites having Border as the captain and that he would not have been worried entering a World Cup with Mark Taylor as captain. We know for sure that nobody’s house was stoned, nobody was asked to retire nor was Border sacked. Australia just went about the business of building for the next World Cup. However; I am told that there are differences. We are more “passionate” about our cricket. I would only give one example which shows that all this talk of passion is sham. When a normal ODI is played at say Eden Gardens, out of 100,000 tickets about 8,000 are sold to the public. During the recently held Champions Trophy, more tickets had to be sold because it was an ICC event. As a result; we could see a lot of empty seats in the stadia. I rest my case on the passion front there.

Let’s move on; if we are really passionate then we need to question the way the game is run at junior levels in India. Why do we keep making it to the semi-finals and the finals of the U-19 World Cups and don’t see these players come through? We need to answer these questions if we are to win World Cups and not waste time coming up with brilliant hind-sighted analyses of India’s performance.

General Arbit Stuff

After the gooner's win against Reading; Whinger managed to sound magnanimous and when asked about the FA hearing said "Well, I guess my English is not subtle enough to capture all the subtilities (sic) of the English language".

Then it struck me; Whinger had not only passed on his whingeing but also his lack of understanding of English to Henry. So when after turning up absent for two finals last year (CL and World Cup for the uninitiated); people started talking about how he could not hold his nerve. Viola; Henry thought he had the solution and held on to his nerves so hard that he ended up with Sciatica.

If there was any doubt on Paul Scholes suffering a relapse of double vision; considering his missed punch at Xabi Alonso. We can look to clear that doubt come June. The gaffer has gone ahead and recruited Brazilian twins Fabio and Rafael Silva who play at right back and left back.

Scholesy; I hope you've recovered for good!!!

A Rude Awakening

It’s been a few months since we heard; that Mumbai is the rudest city in the world. Of course; it is accepted that this is an “Unscientific Survey”. My basic question however is; what constitutes politeness and what constitutes rudeness is quite subjective. For instance; handing out your visiting card with one hand is considered normal in most countries but try doing it in Malaysia and it will be seen as rude!

It’s been around two months since I landed in the United Kingdom; often seen as a very polite land. UK is a country where colleagues can be seen holding doors and saying “After you”. The first thought that came to my mind when I saw this was “Pichle Janam mein Darbaan tha kya?” Apparently; it is a sign of politeness to let the other person go ahead. Now; there are some rules that go along with this.

Rule no 1 :- If there are more than one doors to open and if X opens door 1 for Y then Y must run faster than X to the next door; open it for X and say “After You”

Rule no 2 :- If there is more than one occasion in a day; where X and Y have to open doors and X has opened a door the first time then Y must open a door the next time for X.

Rule no 3 :- The more tendencies you exhibit of having been a darbaan; the politer you are

These rules are of course not exhaustive but based on initial gyaan obtained in the land of the Queen.

Another feeling I get here is that people seem to believe that ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’ and ‘Sorry’ are meant to replace punctuation marks. So; while I would tell someone “Oye; Yeh kar de”. I’d get to hear “Can you do this please (?)” or instead of “Great Show” I’d hear “Very Nice Thank You (.)” Honestly speaking; the number of “Thank Yous ” and “Please” I hear everyday makes me wonder whether these people actually mean it when they say Please!

Of Course; it is always fun to have such people around. I remember an incident where there were some of us at Pizza Hut and we had finished. This waiter came and asked us “Sir, Can we clear the plates please?” And almost instinctively looked to clear the plates till one of us interrupted him saying “No, you may not”.

A few months ago; I remember a Bombayite saying after the blasts in the city “If they talk about the spirit of Mumbai one more time, I’ll puke” which pretty much sums up my feelings on this whole issue about being polite. One of these days; when I hear too many thank yous I am going to puke; and then what? I guess I’ll just say “Sorry” and walk off!

The eternal Super-Sub!

In an era where players threaten to retire if they do not get their dream move; it’s heartening to see players who show unstinted commitment towards their club. A wonderful piece on Ole and his joy at scoring against Charlton after spending nearly three years on the sidelines.

An Endangered Species

After India’s defeat against England; there has been some pretty drab cricket all over the place. I had forgotten about the existence of a species known as the “Aggressive fast bowler”. Watching Harmison run through Pakistan with pace and bounce on a fast seaming pitch was a welcome sight. Test cricket was alive!

With the BCCI agreeing to 20-20 cricket; I think the aggressive fast bowlers would soon end up being an endangered species as would quality spinners. 20-20 is supposed to be cricket’s answer to football; with a result in a little over three hours. Bowl-outs will be cricket’s answer to the “Penalty Shootout”.

Of course; whoever thought of the idea of an “Ideal One-day pitch” has to have been a mediocre batsman and nothing more than that. Admittedly; a football game is short and is about scoring goals. However; all 11 members in a football team have a role to play during a match. Defenders, Defensive Midfielders, Playmakers, Strikers and even the goalkeeper.

Imagine a football game without a goalkeeper; and a situation where the goalkeeper comes into the picture only in case of a penalty shootout. That to me pretty much sums up the state of a bowler in ODIs and 20-20 today.

Flat pitches where the ball just goes up and down the pitch without ever deviating; two and a half pound bats with thick edges are sure very encouraging for a youngster if he wants to be a fast bowler. Mediocre batsmen planting their foot down the pitch the moment one bouncer is bowled in an over and looking to swing through the line as if they were playing a baseball game is certainly not my idea of a cricket match. A cricket match is supposed to be a contest between bat and ball. In case of ODIs; bowlers are of merely incidental to the game.

Contrast this to the situation up to the Mid-90s. India scoring 220 against Pakistan at the SCG and defending it; what are the chances of us seeing something like that again? I would suggest that we go one step further and have bowling machines in 20-20 cricket. Surely Merlin will be more than happy to move on to “the next level of the game”. Why does Merlin have to be a net bowler all the time? Probably we can get coaches to handle Merlin in games which would make sure that coaches get heir due so to speak.

Of course; it is no coincidence that the overall quality of bowling has declined drastically over the last 6-8 years post the retirement of Messrs Walsh and Ambrose. Australia has no successors to McGrath, Warne and Gillespie who are half as good. After Lillee and Thommo retired they had McDermott, Reid and Hughes. Contrast that to today’s backups Shaun “Wayward” Tait, Nathan Bracken and Brett Lee who swings from the sublime to the ridiculous far too often to be a great bowler. The Windies are of course somewhere on the path to extinction when it comes to producing quality fast bowlers. Edwards gets injured too often, Best is never at his best behaviour and Powell is taking too long to find his feet. England are probably the only team with an attack which is better than what they had at the turn of the century; Pakistani bowlers spend more time in the sick-bay than on the cricket field and Sri Lanka and India were never known to have produced good fast bowlers; which brings us to the remaining “Test Playing Nations”.  South Africa have declined after Donald retired and if Nel were to put half as much effort into his bowling as he puts into talking he’d be a much better bowler. Ntini is good and Pollock is the only link from the 90s. When you consider that in the mid-90s; Craig Matthews was a backup seamer for South Africa; this class of bowlers just doesn’t seem good enough. New Zealand had Bond coming in who was a genuine good clean fast bowler but he too spends too much time in the sick bay. The other “Test teams” are what we’d refer to in Bombay as “Kachha Limbu”.

Now; is it mere coincidence that “Good One Day tracks” have resulted in the lowering of bowling standards? I certainly don’t think so; these pitches have resulted in batsmen and in some cases pretenders having ridiculously high averages and when they get caught out against the few genuinely good bowlers or on pitches which do a bit, they are excused. “XYZ had a bad day”. “Those were difficult conditions”. Maybe; but I beg to differ and would want to see the bowler get back his respect in the One day game and after looking at some of the pitches over the last few years and watching a 600 run partnership on TV today; even in test matches as well.

Chennai Musings - I

Ok, I know this one has been long overdue so any smart comments on me recovering from the run will be instantly deleted.

For someone whose knowledge of Chennai was restricted to the existence of a temple for an actress and believing that the biggest hero to ever come out of that part of the world was Quick Gun Murugan with his unique eating habits (“Oru Whiskey Oru Masala Dosai”); every visit to Chennai has been very educational so to speak.

One of the first questions I ask people before visiting any city is “How do I know that I have reached XYZ city?” and when I asked people I knew about Chennai; I got this response “Don’t worry, your nose will tell you”. Of course; the eternal optimist that I was and still am; I thought people were referring to the high per-capita consumption of flowers in Chennai when they were referring to my nose being an indicator. However; as the train started pulling closer to the city; I realised that it was precisely the same welcome that Mumbai held out.

Any reference to life within Chennai which does not begin with the ubiquitous Rickshaw driver would do great injustice to this unique breed. Glorified by none other than “Rajni Anna” with his classic “Naan autogaar” (or something like that); these people are not too far behind their idol when it comes to demanding fares. What follows is an actual conversation

Me: Auto

Autogaar stops

Me: Thoraipakkam
Autogaar: Yes Saar
Me: How much?
Autogaar: 100 Rupees
Me: 60

(Golden Rule in Chennai; stick to 50-60% of what Autogaar says)

Autogaar: Romba long saar, Petrol 65 Rupees litre (Where am I coming from, timbuctoo?)
Me: Petrol only 50 rupees litre
Autogaar: Saar Oil 15 rupees litre; very expensive saar; give 80

Aha! First strike to Vats

Me: 60
Autogaar: Saar 70 Kodunga saar

In the meantime; another Autogaar has been spotted; I look to move in his direction. Autogaar says Wokay

Of course; this is only the beginning. Once you get down; a new set of cribs start.  Saar this is end of Thoraipakkam; give 10 rupees extra. Petrol price increasing saar.

If you are a sadist like me; you listen to all of this and then come up with the standard response “Daily going”. Autogaar goes back mumbling something in Tamil.

Of course; while the autogaar makes for most of the entertainment while you stay in Chennai; there is more to Chennai than the omnipresent Autogaar. One of the experiences in Chennai is the way some people talk English and in some cases most of them communicate in English.

People in the south generally have fixation with “Hech” (The letter h for in uninitiated). So; every word finds a very generous dosage of the letter. Dal becomes Dhal, Arindam becomes Arindham and so on. Clearly; this was something that bugged a few people (I was thankfully spared and was referred to as Srivatsa). One of my friends received a call and they were to register his name for a card or something. By this time; he had his name misspelt so many times that he came up with a standard response
“My name is Amit without the hech’